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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29484231">Hysteria</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaskervilleLottie/pseuds/BaskervilleLottie'>BaskervilleLottie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Katekyou Hitman Reborn!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Brainwashing, Bullying, Canon-Typical Violence, Female Sawada Tsunayoshi, Flame Harmonization (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), Flame Sealing (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Organized Crime, Reincarnation, Sawada Iemitsu's A+ Parenting, Theyre children, Unreliable Narrator, Violence, actions have consequences, crossposted from ff.net, dubious conesent (implied), gratuitous depictions of mental health issues and chronic illnesses, kids being kids but sometimes kids being depressed or outright feral, of multiple types, sawada nana and her actual a+ parenting, the people who do things arent always the ones to suffer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:15:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,469</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29484231</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaskervilleLottie/pseuds/BaskervilleLottie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Her chest hurt, her insides are hot to the point of flash-freeze, her soul turned to dry ice. Everything is hazy and unfamiliar- why can't she breathe?"</p><p>Sawada Nami meets her father for the first time, and everything goes wrong.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hibari Kyouya &amp; Sawada Tsunayoshi, Sawada Nana &amp; Sawada Tsunayoshi, nana sawada/actual happiness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>141</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I haven't actually read KHR before, but I've read so many fanfictions and crossovers that this plot bunny just won't leave me alone? I'm going to be taking liberties with the timeline, though, and Namimori natives, as I know the most about them. Expect things to go wonky quickly though because over a year later from starting this fic and I still haven't watched the anime or read the manga.</p><p>This is both a genderbend (only Tsuna though, as I am wont to do), mildly si for character convenience and wildly au, so that's your heads up.</p><p>Disclaimer: I don't own KHR, but as far as I know, I own my own specific fanfiction/plot ideas. Some might be based off other fics subconsciously, but not with any intention to copy them.</p><p>Also there's a little more of this fic up on my ff.net but i really can't be bothered to crosspost them all at once so I'm slowly migrating them. Don't expect super frequent updates.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>hi there welcome to immediate traumatization of a child</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Five year-old Sawada Tsunami stares at the man her Mama had told her is her Papa and feels something bad. If she were a little older and wiser, she would be able to identify the feeling as mixed disgust and disappointment.</p>
<p></p><div>
<p></p><div><p>He greeted her by swooping her up and throwing her into the air, calling her "Tsuna-<em>fishy</em>", which she both didn't like and didn't understand, because it was partly in a different language, but then he'd supposedly forgotten to catch her when he'd seen her Mama. Luckily, Nami had landed on the couch and so she'd only been jarred rather than hurt from hitting the ground, but it hadn't been a nice experience and she knows enough about falling to know that she'd been saved from some pretty significant pain by her instinctual twist just slightly to the left she'd done while in midair.</p></div><div><p>Her Mama is in the kitchen right now, cooking away and humming ever so prettily to herself, but her Papa isn't with her. No, he's laying on the couch, surrounded by cans of an unfamiliar type that smell gross and sour, wearing only his underwear and snoring loudly, one hand in his underwear and the other on his chest.</p></div><div><p>She doesn't like him very much. Or at all, really.</p></div><div><p>She feels bad about not liking him, because she's <em>supposed to</em>, but she <em>doesn't</em>.</p>
<p></p><div><p>Turning slightly in place, the brown pigtails her Mama had made of her hair this morning swishing against her cheeks and eyes, Nami makes her way to the kitchen. Trotting to her Mama and then pulling on her loose pant leg, gaining her attention.</p></div><div><p>"Yes, Nami-chan?" She asks, setting aside the knife she'd been using and then looking down with a sweet smile that never fails to warm the colder parts of Nami's insides, immediately giving Nami her entire attention, which is also very nice.</p></div><div><p>"I don' like Papa," she tells her Mama honestly, voice serious despite her childish mispronunciation. "He smell an' weird… 'an he <em>dropped</em> me."</p></div><div><p>Nana frowns then, stooping low to pick her daughter up and abandoning the vegetables she's been slicing completely. Holding her daughter on her hip. Nana habitually runs her nose against Nami's soft cheek and temple, her frown lifting into a lighter expression, her Nami-chan lifting her mood as always. She walks from the kitchen to peer into the living area, catching sight of her husband on the couch. On her face, a frown flickers back to life before that expression vanishes and she holds onto Nami tighter, lingering in the doorway but only looking at Nami.</p></div><div><p>"Nami-chan, he must just be tired. He works very hard, you know?" Nana tells her daughter gently.</p></div><div><p>"Why he never here?" Nana translates the childish speech with ease and nods.</p></div><div><p>"Yes, that's why he's never here. He works very hard so we can be happy and have a home," she explains. Brown eyes flicker back to her husband before looking away and heading into the kitchen again. Once inside completely, Nana settles her daughter on a chair as she returns to cooking.</p></div><div><p>"... So we can be happy?" Nami parrots back uncertainly, peering at her Mama with concern and confusion, not understanding. His being gone goes directly against her Mama being happy- Mama seems the most happy now that he's here, not gone away to work.</p></div><div><p>Nana looks over her shoulder, brown eyes meeting amber, and her look is so affectionate that it warms Nami even further on the inside.</p></div><div><p>"Yes, Nami-chan," she confirms. "I'm sure your Papa will feel better and nicer when he wakes up," Nana finishes in a soft voice, which doesn't go unnoticed, but does go unacknowledged, as Nana turns her attention back to the cooking. Nami settles down on the chair with crossed legs, hands gripping her ankles as she stares at them with a thoughtful expression, her head rocking ever-so-slightly back and forth as she rolls her Mama's logic around in her head.</p>
<p></p><div><p>It seems wrong- <em>incorrect</em>. But her Mama wouldn't lie to her, right?</p></div><div><p>Time passes and when her Mama touches the top of her head lightly, it's been three hours and Nami hadn't noticed at all. Head finally stalling in it's rocking and eyes a little distant and a lot dry from a lack of blinking, She blinks rapidly to wet them and dispel the resulting tears, Nami returns to the world properly and looks at her Mama.</p></div><div><p>"<em>Hai</em>, Mama?"</p></div><div><p>"It's dinner time, Nami-chan," Nana tells her daughter with a fondly worried expression. She'd called for her daughter's attention several times before she'd decided to reach out and touch her, which had been all that Nami'd needed, apparently, to come back to consciousness. That behavior, zoning out, wasn't anything new to her daughter though Nana is honestly just relieved that she had just stopped getting upset every time she was broken from such a state.</p></div><div><p>Nami had used to get <em>very upset</em> when she was snapped out of what Nana had privately begun to call "episodes", which involved tears, loud protesting of any and all physical contact, and Nami running off to hide somewhere until she'd calmed down.</p></div><div><p>Of course, Nami hadn't ever really hid very well, but Nana had learned very quickly to just leave Nami be without any interference on her part. It had been a very stressful time for Nana, especially because she'd been alone and none of the local mothers were willing to help her, but as her daughter grew older, she'd gradually calmed down, which was a relief.</p></div><div><p>Not that Nana loved her any less, but she worried.</p></div><div><p>Nami <em>would</em> get fussy about being touched sometimes, regardless of anything else going on at the time, but her sweet Nami-chan knew how to say so now and things went much more smoothly than they once did.</p></div><div><p>Nami gives her Mama a bright smile and a nod of acceptance, hopping down easily from her chair. While her Mama asks her to please help her set the table, Nami feels a bubble of pride in her chest at being useful to her Mama.</p></div><div><p>After everything but the big rice pot is on the table, Mama leaves the kitchen to get Papa and Nami clambers onto the seat directly next to Mama's normal seat, leaving her own usual seat across from Mama open for Papa to take. Maybe it's mean of her to not let her parents sit next to each other, but unless Mama makes her move, then she's not going to. She's going to stake her claim.</p>
<p></p><div><p>Mama is <em>hers</em>! Papa was always gone, he didn't deserve her!</p></div><div><p>Eventually, her parents enter the room. Though her Mama blinks in surprise at the sight of her seat choice, Papa is the one to try and remove her from her chosen seat. Mama stops him, though, and despite not paying much attention, Nami knows she did so very nicely and handily when Papa sits down in the seat she'd left him, cooing at them the entire while.</p></div><div><p>Once her Mama has placed the rice onto the table, Nami briefly cuddles close to her with a soft sound. Her Mama obligingly pats her head with a loving hum before nudging her upright gently.</p></div><div><p>Dinner is louder than usual, as her Mama and Papa don't seem to want to stop talking. Nami pays attention at first, but when Papa repeatedly breaks the rules by talking with his food in his mouth and talking with his chopsticks in his hands, waving them about to emphasize things, she turns her attention back to her Mama and eating her food properly.</p></div><div><p>"-will be visiting tomorrow," Papa says conversationally, waving his chopsticks around a little more.</p></div><div><p>"Really?" Her Mama gasps in mixed surprise and excitement, but her Mama doesn't fumble in lowering her chopsticks to the table at all.</p></div><div><p>"Yes, he's very interested in you both, as I talk about you often!" He exclaims happily. Nami stares at him, an uneasy feeling making itself known to her before she sets her chopsticks aside and looking at her Mama, interrupting her Papa.</p>
<p></p><div><p>"Mama? What's happen?" She asks, reaching out to tug on her Mama's shirt gently. Her Mama looks down to her, and Nami can tell she's a little sad and disappointed than Nami hadn't been listening, but she answers anyway.</p></div><div><p>"Papa's boss will be visiting tomorrow, Nami-chan," her Mama explains before looking up at the man across from them with a smile. As Nami picks up her chopsticks again, she notices that her Mama's smile looks different than the usual smiles her Mama gives.</p></div><div><p>Why is it different? Nami wants to ask, but decides not to.</p>
<p></p><div><p>"Shouldn't Tsuna-<em>fish</em> be going to bed soon, honey?" Papa says in a weird voice. Nami wrinkles her nose at him with slightly narrowed eyes, lowering her chopsticks.</p></div><div><p>"Don't like that," she protests. Papa ignores her, watching her Mama instead, and when Nami looks up to her for an explanation or instruction, her Mama's eyes are shiny, her face smiling but very still.</p></div><div><p>Nami very suddenly wants to cry, but stubbornly pushes back her tears and sets down her chopsticks, reaching yet again for her Mama's sleeve. Nana blinks rapidly a few times before looking down at Nami inquisitively.</p></div><div><p>"<em>Hai</em>, Nami-chan?"</p></div><div><p>"Don't-" Nami is interrupted.</p></div><div><p>"Nana-chan, isn't it Tsuna's bedtime?" His voice is weird as he persists, and when Nami's attention swings back to her Mama, her eyes are shiny and blank.</p></div><div><p>Nami is sent back to bed by herself, before dinner ends, as Papa continues to insist.</p></div><div><p>Normally, her Mama tucks her into bed, telling her goodnight and kissing her forehead for good dreams and to ward off nightmares. Tonight, Nami walks with Mama to the bottom of the stairs, is shooed to go up them, and then her Mama disappears back into the kitchen, where Papa had been left, as well as the rest of Nami's dinner.</p></div><div><p>It's over an hour before Nami usually goes to sleep, though, and she doesn't particularly want to sleep, especially without her Mama to ward off the bad dreams she always inevitably has.</p></div><div><p>Nami <em>does</em> end up falling asleep, though she does so on the floor of her bedroom, curled around the katakana worksheets her Mama had given her to work on.</p>
<p></p><div><p>She wakes twice from nightmares she can't remember, feeling watched and uncomfortable like usual of them, and tries to go for her Mama, but her room door is locked and there are weird noises coming from inside.</p></div><div><p>She goes back to her room without knocking both times, feeling a little colder than normal.</p>
<hr/></div><div><p>Nami isn't awake when the old man comes, so by the time her Mama comes to wake her and then help her down the stairs, so she won't fall like she did that one time, he's already at the table and talking to Papa with weird words that she doesn't know.</p></div><div><p>When she and Nana enter the kitchen, Papa and the old man look up after a minute, and Papa's face breaks into a wide smile and he stands to approach her. Mama smiles down at her reassuringly, reaching out to pat her head, and her smile doesn't dim in the slightest when Nami ducks away from the hand as she smoothly turns towards the stove, where some food is already cooking.</p></div><div><p>"Don't like that," Nami protests as Papa's hands reach out, maybe to pick her up. Papa ignore her, though, again, with an exclamation of "Tsuna-<em>fishy</em>". Nami immediately tenses up as the large hands wrap around her ribs beneath her arms tightly.</p></div><div><p>She doesn't understand why the words didn't stop him. The words always worked with her Mama, and now they didn't, and now she feels icky and like she wants to cry, but her body won't move.</p></div><div><p>"<em>Nono</em>, this is my darling Tsuna-<em>fishy</em>! Isn't she adorable?!"</p></div><div><p>"She is indeed, Iemitsu," the old man says before turning his eyes onto her. "Hi there, Tsuna-chan. My name is Timoteo, but you can call me <em>nonno</em>." He smiles beneath his small mustache. "It means grandpa in my language."</p></div><div><p>Nami wants to tell him her name isn't <em>Tsuna</em>, it's <em>Nami</em>, but her body isn't responding to her anymore. Her eyes start to tear up and her face starts to get tight; skin crawling the longer Papa's hands are on her.</p>
<p></p><div><p>Nana, mother's intuition prickling in a familiar manner, turns from the eggs and her eyes zero in on Nami-chan's face, catching sight of the tears and paling complexion. Dropping the spatula, she flies over to pluck Nami from Iemitsu's grip, setting her on the floor immediately after. Nana watches as her daughter goes limp on the wooden flooring, tears flowing in earnest as her cheeks flush instead of going bloodless.</p></div><div><p>"Don't like!" Nami insists, amber eyes meeting Nana's own for an instant before they focus instead on the wall behind her.</p></div><div><p>"Nobody will touch you again, Nami-chan, you're okay," Nana tries to reassure her distraught daughter.</p></div><div><p>"Ignored me!"</p></div><div><p>"Iemitsu!" She hisses, turning a fiercely stern look on her husband. "Don't ignore her, she speaks for a reason!" Nami had, in fact, totally skipped the 'baby babble' stage of infancy, and was usually very non-verbal unless she had a specific reason to say something. "If she says she doesn't like something, please listen!"</p></div><div><p>"Ah, I'm sorry! I didn't know!" Iemitsu frantically apologizes. Feeling his sincerity, Nana crouches down to look at her daughter, who is rapidly calming down now that the ordeal is over and done with.</p></div><div><p>"Do you hear that, Nami-chan? Papa's sorry."</p></div><div><p>"Yeah, Papa's sorry, Tsuna-<em>fishy</em>!"</p></div><div><p>"Don't like th-that," Nami's words are partly interrupted by a hiccup as she stops crying altogether, and Nana straightens to get her a cup of water before going back to the food, reassured that things will be fine.</p></div><div><p>"Don't like what, Nami-chan?" Nana questions over her shoulder.</p>
<p></p><div><p>"Nami-chan, not Tsuna-<em>fishy</em>," Nami whines, even managing to get out that strange foreign word at the end. Iemitsu hurriedly agrees to the use of her preferred name, eyes quickly flicking aside towards the old man- towards "<em>nonno"</em>. The old man is watching them all calmly, and when he sees Nami look over at him, he smiles kindly at her.</p></div><div><p>Twitching uneasily, Nami gets to her feet and goes to her Mama, demanding to help with the food.</p>
<hr/></div><div><p>Watching the front door mournfully as it closes behind her Mama, Nami wishes she'd been allowed to go with her. She'd tried to go with, but her Mama had insisted that she stay and bond with Papa and <em>nonno</em>, instead of hiding away.</p></div><div><p>Turning with a feeling of dread in her stomach, Nami meets the expectant eyes of Papa and promptly looks away, with something twisty in her chest making her do so. Sliding around Papa carefully, she ignores all of his whining about her actions and then goes past <em>nonno</em> to the back door, getting up on her tippy-toes and opening the door and then escaping into the back yard.</p></div><div><p>Her Mama had put up a baby gate in front of the stairs, so she couldn't go to her room, but outside was always an option. Looking around the yard, Nami realizes that there's nothing really outside now, except for a magenta colored ball bigger than her head, and the tree she usually climbs when she goes outside.</p>
<p></p><div><p>Nami looks back, contemplating going back inside, but Papa and <em>nonno</em> are chatting in the kitchen, not looking at her but very close to the backdoor, and look like they just might come outside at any moment. So she turns back and trots to the tree, digging her bare feet into the little divets she and her Mama had made in the tree over time.</p></div><div><p>Her Mama had been very worried when Nami first started to climb the tree, but so long as Nami hadn't gotten hurt any time she'd done it, and so long as Nami had agreed to use the hand-holds and foot-holds she and her Mama had made, she could climb the tree whenever she wanted. She usually didn't unless her Mama was nearby, just in case her sense of balance went wonky or she became dizzy like had happened a few times, but this felt like an emergency.</p></div><div><p>She didn't want Papa and <em>nonno</em> to be able to get to her easily, so up the tree it was. Her <em>Mama</em> couldn't climb the tree, so there was no way someone like <em>Papa</em> and an old man like <em>nonno</em> could do it. So it'd be safe there, right?</p></div><div><p><em>"Tsunami!"</em> A loud, male voice shouts her name just as she's getting close to her usual sitting spot, and Nami's entire body goes still, fingers going stiff and missing the nearest hold, her feet going completely straight and sliding right off the hold they'd been on. Her body falls, rotating back first and then head first, and Nami can't <em>move</em>.</p>
<p></p><div><p>She can see Papa and nonno standing on the porch, Papa's face registering only in her head as angry rather than <em>angrily-worried</em>, and a sense of terror at <em>falling</em> and <em>angry man right there,</em> and her vision goes white.</p>
<hr/></div><div><p>Nami jerks awake with a horrible scream, and <em>she can't see- no, everything is white, she </em>can<em> see, where is she-</em></p></div><div><p>"Nami- Nami, you're okay, please calm down-"</p></div><div><p>Her chest hurts and her insides are hot to the point of flash-freeze, her soul turned to dry ice. Everything is hazy and unfamiliar, <em>why can't she breathe?</em> She can't remember- what happened? Where is she? Her vision is swimming, everything looks like it's moving by itself, is this a hospital room? She's able to meet her Mama's eyes, frantic and worried but so, <em>so</em> relieved to see her awake, but she can't really meet them, because someone touches her arm on the side she isn't looking, and panic spikes again.</p></div><div><p><em>"No-!"</em> She jerks away from the cold hand, her body overbalancing terribly and her head swimming in fear and confusion, and someone says something she can't quite hear, and then there's a jolt of pain. She tries to get away from the pain, tries to escape again, but then everything fades to black, and there's nothing.</p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In this chapter and in the last, you might have noticed that I switch how I refer to Nana, between "her Mama" and "Nana", and this is meant to indicate a perspective focus, as well as between "Nami" and "her daughter" and similar instances. They're brief and unsegmented to help the chapter flow better, but let me know if a line break would be preferable.</p><p>As a tiny side note, I started writing this fic with a mental image for Tsunami in mind, and that's the image of Red Riding Hood's alternative art from SINoALICE. She's not going to just be a carbon-copy of Tsuna but as a girl, I have an idea of how I'm describing her or will describe her. Of course, that doesn't really matter because mental imaging but I wanted to say something. I think it's neat.</p><p>I've got a vague understanding of japanese culture and honorifics, and if anyone reading this sees me making mistakes, please let me know? Especially with the honorifics, as I don't want to be stupid or repetative with them, but I'm trying to be at least semi-realistic with this...</p><p>Heads up, all the "her mama" stuff will seem repetitive. It's meant to. Nami is very possessive of Nana now, because she's basically 6 with no socialization outside of her mom, with a host of mental illnesses besides. That will clear up with time but for now please bear with it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A small, waif-like body sits curled up at the base of a tree near the edge of a park. There are children some distance away, playing games, and amber eyes watch them dully through an absolute mess of light brown colored hair that obscures most of her face. The girl is still, breathing quietly as she observed the children who appear to be her age. There doesn't appear to be more than ten children, but they are all clustering together, and the group is loud enough to hold at least triple the amount it does.</p><p>She hasn't moved in the last half hour, watching and waiting for… something. She isn't sure what, exactly, she is waiting for, but she hadn't even known she was waiting until she asked herself what she was doing, still sitting at the park, and discovered she actually had a purpose to her presence. She kind of wants to go and play with the other kids, but cannot find the motivation to do so. Ever since her abrupt return to awareness around a year ago, she had trouble working up enough emotional investment to do anything beyond breathe. Everything had become a chore, and she would spend hours sprawled out on her bedroom floor, staring at her ceiling unblinkingly if she was not given a task or occupied with something.</p><p>She knows her Mama is worried about her, but ever since that visit from the man she's supposed to call "Papa", everything has been awful. It was incredibly similar to how that girl had been, <em>before</em>, when she had been so depressed that she dissociated for hours or days at a time. She knows, logically, that she needs to make a schedule and follow it strictly. To set goals and have a reward/punishment system for succeeding and failing in everyday tasks so that she will accomplish them. But it all just seems incredibly pointless whenever she tries to do so, and she becomes tired and helplessly angry at herself, a gaping hole in her chest throbbing distantly when she tries to do anything. She is treading dangerous ground, she knows, because the entire reason she had died was because she could no longer see the purpose of living-</p><p>She's not going to think about that. She's Sawada Tsunami, not whoever she'd been before, she just needs to straighten up her emotions and figure out what she's going <em>to do-</em> Amber eyes narrow slightly, the previously half-lidded eyes getting even thinner as the only sign of the flare of anger that she had just experienced. She continues to watch the children playing games like tag and kick-the-can, switching the games and melting them together in half baked attempts to make their play more exciting, and she feels a hint of longing that she squashes ruthlessly.</p><p>Kids are naive and fleeting, thoughtlessly and unknowingly cruel and not worth her time. Besides, the thought of getting up and going over there to play such lively games fills her with dread- her coordination hasn't ever really been good, and it's worse lately, so going to play such lively and fun games would probably only get her to hurt herself, and then get her bullied.</p><p>A boy enters the park, unaccompanied by an adult. He looks to be around her age, but tall, and holding a sports equipment bag. He looks fairly reluctant to be at the park in the first place, looking haggard and sad. Watching him visibly hesitate at the sight of the other children, who hadn't noticed his arrival, she blinks when he sees her and makes his way over to her.</p><p>"Hi there," he says in a quietly cheerful manner. She stares at him quietly, not bothering to move her head to look up at him and only doing to with her eyes. He is still sad and haggard, holding his sports bag with a white knuckled grip, but he is trying to be happy and excitable despite his distress. He does not seem bothered by her silence. "Why are you sitting all alone?"</p><p>She still does not answer and he finally seems to notice her asocial behavior, floundering slightly. He chuckles a little helplessly before reaching his freehand up to press his palm against the back of his neck, smiling in a way that seems painful.</p><p>"I'm Yamamoto Takeshi, what's your name?"</p><p>"Sawada Tsunami," she offers after a second or two of deliberation, her voice monotone despite its natural bright childishness. The name is hers, now, not that she really feels any true connection to it, but she's going to fix that. <em>She's Sawada Tsunami</em>.</p><p>"Can I call you Tsuna-chan?" He asks, though he doesn't sound as though he expects to be denied, and his doing so is only a formality.</p><p>"No, I'm Nami-chan," she does not make a fuss about the familiarity that a nickname implies, though she does correct that assumption that she will go along with being called <em>Tsuna. </em>Because she <em>won't.</em> "Takeshi-kun," she tacks on when he just continues to watch her expectantly.</p><p>He seems to momentarily shut down, his face still locked in place but the light behind his eyes dying out, and she can recognize that expression. That is the expression of someone who expects to be held to a social standard and doesn't quite know what to do about it. Takeshi is probably not really up to socialization today, but is aware enough to know that it's expected of him.</p><p>"You can just sit down, if you want," she offers after several seconds pass where that painful expression remains plastered to his frozen face. "And stop smiling, it looks painful, and you shouldn't hurt yourself for other people's benefit." That looks like it went over his head, but the smile drops and he drops his bag, sitting down next to her and leaning against the tree, his legs splayed out in front of him, in contrast to hers that curl close to her chest.</p><p>She doesn't say anything, content to sit in silence, feeling happier that she is not alone despite not actually socializing. The boy eventually scoots closer to her, peering at her curiously.</p><p>"Why are you sitting alone?" He repeats his earlier question. She does not answer him, and he returns to silence, turning his attention to the other kids. They remain, sitting close and quiet, until the sun starts to set, and she stands slowly, making sure not to overbalance or get too loose-limbed. Takeshi scrambles to his feet next to her, staring at her as though wounded, which she doesn't understand. The children have long since gone home, and it is time for them to do the same.</p><p>"I'm going home now," she says after a moment, feeling as though she can't leave yet.</p><p>"...Okay," Takeshi agrees after a second, continuing to stare.</p><p>"... See you tomorrow?" She eventually tacks on. His face relaxes slightly and his face, previously blank, brightens into a small but sincere smile.</p><p>"Sure!" He cheers, and she turns to leave. She doesn't look back, but he yells goodbye when she is at the street and out of the corner of her eye when she turns she can see that he is staring after her.</p><p>They meet up at the park several more times, and she gets comfortable in his presence. She still does not talk all that much, as she usually isn't sure what she would talk about, but she does not appear to ignore him so much. He relaxes around her as well, no longer attempting to adhere to social etiquette around her when it is obvious that she does not expect it from him, which he seems to appreciate.</p><p>He eventually starts to chatter at her, talking incessantly about his life, and about observations he makes on a daily basis about other children, which are usually startlingly logical and accurate. He apparently goes to something like a daycare/preschool in the mornings until around noon, after which he comes to the park. He does not say as much explicitly, but he hints that when she met him, his father had forced him to go to the park. He does not mention his mother and she does not ask.</p><p>"Why do you always sit by yourself?" He asks eventually, on one of more quiet days. She shrugs.</p><p>"I don't want to play," she says after a minute. "And they don't want to sit with me."</p>
<hr/><p>Watching from where she's sitting at the tree in the park, waiting for Takeshi, Nami feels like everything inside of her is cold and heavy, the bones in her fingers and sternum starting to ache with a cold that doesn't make sense as she watches her friend arrive.</p><p>Takeshi is snagged by the wrist by one of the children always at the park, and she can distantly hear the children telling him to stay away from "that freaky girl", and watches as he is pulled along unresistingly towards the mass of children. He glances back to her, but he doesn't wave or call out to her, doesn't resist.</p><p>Watching his back as he begins to play some sort of kick-the-can and tag hybrid game, Nami kind of wants to cry, feeling terribly robbed, abandoned and cold.</p><p><em>I see. </em>It doesn't really surprise her, but she'd been allowing herself to hope that she could maybe have a friend. She should have known better.</p><p>Instead of remaining in place like she ought to, Nami pushes herself into a stand slowly, one hand braced against the tree, and she turns on heel, leaving behind the little lunch box she'd brought with her on the ground as she walks out of the park by herself, head hanging low and eyes nearly completely closed with her exhaustion and sadness.</p><p>When she gets home, heading inside, she can hear her Mama somewhere in the house, talking to someone. She can't hear anyone replying, so Nami assumes that her Mama is on the phone, and so she makes her way through the house in her direction.</p><p><em>Before, </em>that girl she'd used to be hadn't had good parents. Once she'd woken up as Tsunami, Nami hadn't known what she was supposed to do with Sawada Nana, a devoted mother overflowing with love, and Nana had seemed to know that something was wrong with her. She'd been very understanding as Nami had struggled through waking up with the memories of some strange girl, feeling like something irreplaceable had been taken from her, and subconsciously that something terrible had happened.</p><p>Sometimes she would have nightmares about whatever had happened, but when she woke up, she could never remember it. Only incomprehensible images of fire, her father and a hand approaching her face. She didn't know what her mind was trying to tell her, but when she woke up, the terror was undeniable.</p><p>The nightmares had actually helped her bond with Nana- her Mama. With her fear and confusion, Nana had always been willing to humor her when she'd run to places to try and feel safe, or when Nami had been unable to resist the urge to cling onto her mother in this life.</p><p>Sawada Nana was a very loving woman, and an excellent mother. She also gave very good hugs.</p><p>Nami had warmed up to the woman incredibly quickly, adopting her in a sense, and she'd been a pillar of support ever since.</p><p>"Mama? <em>Tadaima,</em>" Nami calls out as she enters the kitchen, finding her Mama sitting at the dining room table, talking on a mobile phone and writing in a notebook with a black pen with a serious and thoughtful expression. Nana looks up to meet Nami's eyes with her own, giving her daughter a worried look but a loving smile.</p><p>"I'll call you back," Nana murmured into the phone before hanging up, closing her notebook and then pushing her chair back, turning her body to face her daughter. "<em>Okaeri, </em>Nami-chan. You're home early, did something happen?"</p><p>Nami trots closer to her Mama, approaching and extending her hands out for her Mama. Nana grabs them obligingly in her own gently, waiting for Nami to explain.</p><p>"Takeshi made other friends," Nami admits after awhile of looking at their intertwined hands, speaking softly. Somewhere in her heart, she wants to cry, but she can't bring herself to make the effort to get that upset at the moment. "He didn't want to sit with me today."</p><p>"And you didn't want to join in on the other kids' games?"</p><p>"No," she replies, feeling helpless. "I can't play with them." Her Mama doesn't push her to explain her firm but vague denial, instead squeezing her hands a little more and giving Nami a soft look.</p><p>"You didn't think that he would go to sit with you after he'd played?" Her Mama presses gently.</p><p>"... I don't know, but… He was <em>my friend,"</em> she emphasizes, unable to properly explain why his going off with the other children without even actually greeting her had hurt so badly. Because it did- it really <em>did </em>hurt that he'd gone away from her without any hesitation. She feels <em>abandoned</em>, which isn't rational at all, and which she can't explain. Because she hadn't even known Takeshi for all that long.</p><p>"Ah, Nami-chan," Nana leans down a little to better look her daughter in the eyes. "Do you want a hug, musume?" Nami hesitates, feeling a little unsure about that much contact right now, but as Nana continues to calmly watch her, not focusing on her eyes but only her face, not expectant or pressuring, only offering. Nami feels a little weakness in her chest and nods, eyes stinging as she shuffles forward and lifts her hands, still within her Mama's own, to go near her shoulders before wiggling her hands free and wrapping her arms around her Mama's waist.</p><p>Her Mama's arms wrap around her torso solidly, spreading warmth through the cold that's constantly in her chest and bones, making her feel immediately lethargic and content as Nana's nose brushes against her temple and the corner of her eye, her torso bowing over so she can wrap more fully around her daughter.</p><p>"Thank you, Mama," Nami mumbles into her mother's stomach, feeling helplessly grateful, and her Mama hums a little before Nami feels a soft smile against the side of her face.</p><p>"I don't mind, Nami-chan," her Mama's voice is low and soft, and Nami's eyes prickle with tears she only barely stops by closing her eyes. "Love you, musume." Nami can't bring herself to reply, but she wraps her arms around the woman a little tighter before wiggling away, eyes fluttering a little as she pushes back the tears behind her eyes that she's not going to allow escape. Looking up at her Mama and then turns her attention to the chair next to her Mama, climbing up (with a little help from the woman) before leaning against the table, looking curiously at the closed notebooks on the table.</p><p>"What's this?" She questions, patting at the notebook that her Mama hurriedly slides away from her, along with the strange mobile phone Nami doesn't actually remember seeing before in the house anywhere.</p><p>"Mama's just doing some research with her friends," Nana explains to her daughter carefully. "Something happened, and I'm looking into it as best as I can."</p><p>"Something?" Nami asks carefully. Her mother looks at her carefully for awhile, quietly, and Nami goes completely still, feeling the weight of tension in the air that she doesn't completely understand, but she <em>knows </em>that this is important.</p><p>Just like she used to <em>know</em> things, before everything went cold and strange, and she woke up with a mind she only partly understood.</p><p>"Nami-chan," her mother finally answers, tucking her chair back close to the table, pulling everything in front of her again and looking at Nami with the most serious gaze that she's seen on her mother in her life. "This," she taps the notebook, carefully, "is very important, and I can't tell you about it right now, okay? Mama doesn't even want to know about this right now."</p><p>"... If you're sure, Mama," Nami offers a hesitant agreement, staring into the woman's brown eyes. "I won't mess with it, but you gotta tell me when I'm bigger, okay?"</p><p>"I can do that, musume," her Mama agrees with something like relief spreading over her face, a smile appearing, as her shoulders relax, not that Nami'd noticed them tensing up, and the tension fades from the air.</p><p>Nana reaches out a hand towards her daughter and Nami places her palm in it, allowing her Mama to hold her hand in her own before Nana looks up from her, eyes flicking to the clock kept above the kitchen door.</p><p>"It's just about lunch time, Nami-chan. Do you want to help me make it, after I put this away?" She taps the notebook again and offers her daughter a curious look.</p><p>"Yes!" Nami agrees easily, bouncing just slightly in place in her chair. Her Mama gives her a smile and stands, keeping hold of Nami's hand as she helps her daughter down before releasing her, collecting her things from the table and then leaving the room, calling a <em>be right back, musume,</em> over a shoulder before Nami hears the woman going upstairs, probably to her room.</p>
<hr/><p>Nami sits at her assigned table in the Namimori Elementary first grade class, staring uneasily around at the other kids in the room. They're meant to be doing introductions, and she's going to be coming up soon, but she doesn't want to do it. The idea is so embarrassing!</p><p>Not, really, that she's going to have a choice.</p><p>She's already seen two girls burst into embarrassed tears and one boy yell his own name furiously before sitting on the floor rather than back in his chair. She's not going to be so dramatic, though, if she can help it.</p><p>Finally, her teacher gestures to her, and Nami stands hesitantly.</p><p>"I- My name's Sawada Nami, and this is my first time in school. I like the color purple and my favorite food is Yakiniku," Nami explains before dropping back down into her seat, hunching over until her chin is almost touching the false wood of the table. Her face feels like it's on fire, and it's incredibly dumb of her to be so embarassed over something to minor. Her teacher smiles indulgently at her, and making a motion like she's supposed to stand back up. <em>What? No-</em></p><p>"And what do you want to be when you grow up?" Her teacher prompts when Nami doesn't move at all, a few of the children in the room giggling at her but the rest ignoring her, talking to each other or fiddling around with their surroundings.</p><p>"Happy?" Nami offers uncertainly, having never thought of that before. Her teacher's smile twitches a little, like Nami had answered wrong, before she gestures at the next child, who is sitting somewhere to her left. Nami frowns, hunching down a little more, and her eyes flick to the side, catching sight of something that makes her stomach turn.</p><p>There's Takeshi- she hadn't noticed him being in her class before. He isn't looking at her, and he's surrounded by at least six other children, his face creased into a sickeningly wide smile. His eyes look a little glassy, like her Mama's do sometimes, and that's worrying, but he'd decided that he valued her less than the other kids.</p><p>He didn't want to be with her anymore. She won't bother him.</p><p>"'M Yamamoto Takeshi, I like baseball, milk, sushi and watching my Dad training in the dojo! When I grow older, I want to be a professional baseball player!" Takeshi says in a loud voice that Nami guesses is probably meant to sound happy but only sounds loud. Nami continues to watch him as other children make their own introductions, and eventually he looks at her. His eyes are blank, Nami sees no recognition in them at all.</p><p><em>Friends, huh?</em> Nami is torn between laughing and crying, but she doesn't do either, lifting her hands and wrapping her arms around the lower portion of her face from where it's resting on the table, amber eyes continuing to watch the boy she'd been calling friend and the rest of the classroom.</p>
<hr/><p>"Nami-chan, we're going to be going to see one of Mama's friends today, alright?" Her Mama asks as she picks out Nami's clothes for this apparent trip. Her Mama thoughtfully avoids picking out a skirt or a dress from the little used back corner of the closet, as Nami'd been obvious in her distaste for them, and she instead pulls out a pair of childrens jeans with small embroidery patterns on the front pockets and a pretty, long sleeved t-shirt with a reddish-orangish color fade pattern that's almost like fire or a flower.</p><p>"One of Mama's friends?"</p><p>"Yes, her name is Hibari Yun. I haven't talked to her in a long time, since before you were born, actually, but I have to go and talk to her today. I don't know how long we will talk, or if she'll be able to answer as many of my questions as I'd like, so I'm going to take you with me there instead of just leaving you home alone, okay?"</p><p>"Okay," Nami nods, allowing her Mama to fuss a little with her shirt hem before straightening up, holding out a hand towards Nami. Nami eyes it uncertainly for a second before taking it. There's no crawling feeling over her skin at the contact, so she tightens her fingers just a little before walking with her Mama out of her room and downstairs.</p><p>Nana releases Nami to grab her bag, filled with her notebook, a blank notebook, some pens, her mobile and her keys, as well as her wallet and a few things she'd found in the back of her closet that she's sure belong to Iemitsu. Glancing over as she pops the strap of the bag on her shoulder, Nana meets her daughters eyes with her own and smiles, walking back over to gesture her daughter to go outside.</p><p>Nami obliges and her Mama follows her closely behind, locking the door behind them and then offering her hand for Nami again. She accepts and they begin to walk from the house and then down the road.</p><p>"How far is it?"</p><p>"It's a little distance," her Mama admits, "maybe fifteen minutes," she continues after a moment of Nami's silent staring. Nami looks back ahead, eyes straying downwards to make sure there's nothing in her path to make her trip too badly, silently admitting to herself that without something to constantly keep track of the passage of time, that quantifier is meaningless to her.</p><p>As they make their way across town, Nami makes a point to look around and study everything as they pass, her Mama's mood notably sombre in a way that Nami doesn't quite want to break into. Her Mama's mood has been very serious lately, and she's been very thoughtful about whatever is in that notebook of hers, not that Nami's going to ask about it. She's promised to stay out of it until her Mama made the decision to tell her.</p><p>She kind of regrets that promise, as she's endlessly curious, but she did and she's not going to break her word.</p><p>She just hopes that this Hibari Yun will help clear up some of the things upsetting her Mama, if she's such a friend that her Mama thinks she might be able to help her.</p><p>Eventually they make it to the Hibari household, and Nami stares at it with fascination. She can recognize it as a very traditional type of household, from what she can see over the fence and gate, the kind of traditional that her Mama often gazes at with longing. Blinking at the heavy-duty looking gate, Nami wonders just how rich this friend of her Mama's is.</p><p>Her Mama rings the bell on the gate, and Nami wiggles her hand out of her Mama's, crouching down on the ground to peer through the gaps in the gate, very curious, until she hears the doorbell make a static-crackle noise, making it an intercom instead of a doorbell.</p><p>"Who is it?"</p><p>"Sawada Nana," Her Mama pipes into the air in reply to the strange voice, her voice seeming strange. "Hibari Yun told me I could come today. I'm also with my daughter."</p><p>"One moment."</p><p>Almost as soon as the static dies, there's a click at the gate, and it opens, revealing a woman dressed in a plain yukata, her hair piled up into a bun and a blank expression, an apron tied around over her obi. Her entire existence seems monochrome, and Nami feels her eyes involuntarily widen as she hops to her feet and then skitters to stand behind her Mama's legs.</p><p>"Follow me please," the woman bows, not the deepest but very low indeed, and Nami follows behind her Mama as she thanks the lady and they go inside, the gate swinging closed behind them as soon as they're clear of it. When they get to the open area of the genkan, the woman slides off her sandals with grace and then waits patiently as her Mama peels her feet out of her flats and then helps Nami maintain her balance as she gets out of her sneakers by crouching and allowing Nami to rest a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>When they're both shoe free, the maid gestures for them to take a pair of house slippers and they do so, though Nami's are at least two sizes too large for her, and then they're moving through the house again, through shoji doors and over tatami, and at one point, Nami catches a glimpse of what looked like a garden that's probably in the center of the house. She's endlessly curious about that, too, but stays with her Mama, who is looking around with something wistful on her face.</p><p>"Mama?" Nami questions hesitantly in the quiet of the house. The woman ahead of them twitches but doesn't turn around, and her Mama looks down at her with a curious expression, though her steps don't falter in the least. "Are you okay?" Her Mama makes a soft <em>oh</em> sound, and then she smiles, though it seems kind of sad to Nami.</p><p>"I'm okay, Nami-chan. Just… thinking," her Mama tries to reassure. Nami continues to watch her face for awhile before reaching out and grabbing one of her hands in both of her own, looking back ahead with a stern face.</p><p>"Well, I'm here," she says in a serious voice as they continue to walk. Her Mama's steps falter before the hand in her own squeezes lightly and her Mama walks on. Nami risks a glance up to see a softer expression on her Mama's face as she looks ahead, no longer so sad or thoughtful. She feels a tiny bubble of accomplishment that she was able to help this woman who's so quickly become her ankle in this life, and resolves to find ways to get more of that feeling as they finally approach a set of shoji doors that seem to be the end of the line for their house walk.</p><p>"Hibari-sama, your guests," the woman calls, opening the door and bowing as she does so before stepping aside to allow the two Sawadas into the room. Nami trails just behind her Mama, releasing the hand that she'd been holding onto, and looks around the room, though her eyes fall onto the woman sitting across from the door at the single table before anything else.</p><p>She's dressed in a deep red and lighter red patterned kimono and matching obi, looking very elaborate and beautiful despite that the kimono is most of all of her ornamentation. Her complexion is smooth and nice, her eyes sharp and grey, her hair hanging to her mid-shoulders in one straight black wave. In front of her is a table, as well as two seating pillows across from her. On the table is a tea tray, with a nice looking pot, some matching cups and a small plate of what Nami guesses to be senbei.</p><p>"Konnichiwa, Nana-chan," the beautiful woman greets as Nami stares out of the open back shoji doors that reveal the engawa patio and, beyond that, a very lovely looking garden. Nami can see sakura trees and bushes, as well as a stone path and very distantly she thinks she might be able to hear water, as well as birds.</p><p>"Konnichiwa, Yun-chan," Nana greets as the woman stands up and they approach each other to hug, Nami listening to the shoji close behind them finally as she remains behind, not comfortable following her Mama into such a physical reunion.</p><p>"It's been a long time since I last saw you, hasn't it? At your wedding?" Yun asks in a pleasant tone as Nana gestures for Nami to approach the table, all three of them sitting down. Yun takes cups and places them before each of them, taking the faintly steaming tea pot in hand and very carefully pouring tea first for her Mama, then Nami and then herself.</p><p>"Yes, it has," her Mama agrees easily, not picking up her tea as she watches Hibari Yun also not pick up her tea. Nami twitches uneasily as the fruity scent of the tea reaches her nose- she wants to drink some, it smells like it'd be tasty, but she's never had fancy tea like this before, and she's never been a guest in anyone else's house before like this, either. She doesn't know the rules, so she's just going to take cues from her Mama until she's told otherwise.</p><p>"Is this your daughter?" Yun's eyes flick over to study Nami's face, and would have probably met her eyes if Nami hadn't purposely avoided having such a thing happen by looking through the open doors at the back of the room.</p><p>"Yes, this is Sawada Tsunami-chan."</p><p>"<em>Hajimemaishite, </em>Hibari…" Nami trails off, uncertain about what honorific she's supposed to be using. Looking over at her Mama, she receives a smile and a mouthing of her Mama's recommended honorific. "-ba."</p><p>Yun's light colored lips pull into a delighted, sly smile, and her eyes crinkle up in the corners, one of her hands lifting to cover the baring of her teeth behind one kimono sleeve. Her eyes, when Nami meets them, also seem very delighted, amused and just a little cold instead of the cold menacing amusement she'd half expected to see in them.</p><p>"You can call me Yun-ba, if you must call me a ba-san at all, Tsunami-chan," she says in a light voice.</p><p>"Well, Yun-chan, I can't exactly let her call you <em>-nee,</em> can I? After all, you <em>are</em> older than me," her Mama teases in a voice Nami's never heard from her before, and Nami feels a little happy spark in her chest at seeing her Mama so happy. Yun-ba's sudden and probably unintentional cackling bursts into the air, her other hand lifting to also cover her mouth, one of her sleeves just barely avoiding landing in the tea she'd poured herself.</p><p>Nami feels her own lips curl up of their own volition as her Mama also joins in on the laughter, and she hunches her shoulders slightly, tucking her lips against her shoulder closest to her Mama to hide the expression.</p><p>When the women calm down in their laughter, Yun-ba looks over at Nami-chan again, giving her a seemingly genuine smile as she lowers her hands down into her lap.</p><p>"Tsunami-chan, your mother and I need to have a grown-up talk, will you go out into the garden while we do so?" Nami's head swings around to look at her Mama and she receives a nod and an encouraging smile, though her Mama's eyes have gotten more serious over the last few seconds at the thought of the upcoming conversation. Nami nods in response, standing up and carefully making sure she isn't going to face plant into the table as one of her feet catches on the pant leg of the opposite leg, and her Mama's hand lands on her ribs to help her stabilize before swiftly releasing her. The crawling feeling prompted by the unexpected contact is swift in appearance and retreat, and Nami manages to not flinch at it, standing in place for a moment, hesitating before looking over at Yun-ba.</p><p>"Do you want me to close the engawa doors when I go?"</p><p>"Don't worry about that, Tsunami-chan. When you get into the garden, though, if you see-" Yun-ba trails into silence before her lips curl into another smile, this one more sneaky than amused. "Nevermind. Just be careful in the garden, Tsunami-chan."</p><p>Nami nods and leaves the room, stepping out onto the engawa. One lady, dressed similarly to the one who'd greeted them at the gate, circles around from where she'd been standing elsewhere on the engawa. She glances into the room, receives some sort of signal, and then closes the shoji doors with a low bow and a murmured assent.</p><p>The lady starts to leave, but Nami panics.</p><p>"A-Ah, excuse me?!" Nami yelps, one hand lifting as though she's going to grab onto the back of the lady's yukata. The woman turns with a mild look on her face, blandly expectant. "H-how do I get in-into the garden? Yun-ba said I could go there," Nami asks, voice trailing lower and lower in volume as the woman continues to stare at her. After a minute of Nami clutching onto the hem of her shirt, staring at the ground, the woman's hand twitches and her feet shift before her voice speaks up, calm but sounding just slightly strained.</p><p>When Nami looks up at her face for emotional cues, though avoiding her eyes, Nami can see a slight paleness around her face, a little red smudging along her cheekbones and ears, from what she can see beneath the lady's cropped brown hair.</p><p>"If you come with me, I'll show you to the garden, Sawada-san," the lady offers.</p><p>"I- My name's Tsunami, you can call me Nami, miss-" Nami's voice stumbles into nothing and she feels red flush over her cheeks in embarrassment. A strangled noise emerges from the woman, and she bends just slightly to look Nami better in the face, which is a little uncomfortable for Nami.</p><p>"My name is Matsushiya Kaede, Nami-san. You can call me Kaede-san. If you'll follow me, I'll lead you to a garden entrance, yes?" Kaede-san offers Nami, who nods and shifts in place. Kaede-san straightens up into a stand and turns in place, glancing back only once before she begins walking down the engawa, Nami trailing a foot or so behind quietly until they come upon an opening in the engawa railing that shows a ramp leading down onto a stone path that leads into the garden.</p><p>Kaede-san stays on the engawa, but she gestures Nami onwards, mentioning that she's not allowed in the garden, but since Nami had permission, she could do so. Nami toes off the house slippers and steps down onto the path and is about to wave to Kaede-san and then wander in when she notices the woman dithering visibly in place before speaking up one last time.</p><p>"If you come across a boy, just a little older than you, with black hair and silver eyes, remember to be polite, and don't crowd him," Kaede-san says hesitantly before walking off, hands held above her stomach. Nami stares after her hesitantly before turning in place to look into the garden. She can't see very far, because as short as she is, a lot of the flowering bushes are blocking her distance sight, but she's feeling sort of hesitant about going in deeper after what first Yun-ba and Kaede-san had told her.</p><p>But… She <em>has </em>to go into the garden. She doesn't know why, but she does. It's similar to what she can vaguely remember driving her up the tree back then, and what'd held her in place at the park before, which isn't very comforting, but she <em>just does.</em></p><p>Shuffling her feet a little, Nami huffs and puffs up her chest, shaking off that fear and walking ahead in to the foliage.</p>
<hr/><p>Blinking a little at the boy she's pretty sure is napping in the tree, Nami wonders how he'd even gotten up there. There's no hand holds, nothing to show his ascent, but he's there, and he actually looks very comfortable with his chosen place. He's a few years older than her, maybe, with short, straight black hair, dressed in yellow overalls and a white hoodie, pale skin and a face that looks vaguely similar to Hibari Yun, Nami guesses that he's probably Yun-ba's son, or maybe nephew.</p><p>Fidgeting in place, Nami makes the decision to leave him alone, as he looks very relaxed, and instead looks around the area. She's pretty sure she's at the very center of the garden, with the massive sakura tree the boy is napping in, a small clearing of grass and a pond at the very bottom of the sakura tree, and as Nami approaches, carefully aware of her feet so she won't trip, she can see several koi in the pond.</p><p>Sitting down at the edge, Nami leans her elbows on her knees and moves forward, looking into the water with a tiny smile, watching the fish swim around calmly and feeling pretty calm in response to that herself. A few swim over near her, maybe curious and maybe expecting food, and she thinks about reaching out a few fingers to try and pet them but decides against it.</p><p>She can't see the bottom of the pond, and she doesn't know how to swim. Knowing her luck (and dexterity) she'd definitely fall into the pond. She can feel her lips quirk upwards a little as she watches the water, time slipping away from her as some petals hit the grass around her.</p><p>Nami flicks an eye across the rippling water, spotting the form of the sleeping boy reflected in it, and Nami contemplates the idea of laying down to nap as well in this very relaxing garden clearing.</p><p>… The idea is very tempting.</p><p>Scooting back away from the water, Nami shifts back around on her legs and butt before rotating to lay on her back on the soft grass, looking up into the branches of the sakura tree above her before she turns on her side towards the pond, closing her eyes and feeling relaxation spreading through her bones in the warmth of the clearing and the gentle sounds of moving water.</p><p>She isn't sure how long she's napping on the ground before something hits her in the side. Eyes flying open, Nami rolls away from whatever had touched her, body twisting in on itself until she's crouching on the ground, skin feeling uncomfortable as she blinks dizzily a few times before her eyes land on what had woken her. It's the boy from the tree, now awake, grey eyes staring into her own, just a few degrees off of a glare, she stares at him in incomprehension.</p><p>"Eh?"</p><p>"Who are you?" The boy asks in a tone that implies he's repeating himself and hating it.</p><p>"Ah- I'm Sawada Tsunami, I came here with my Mama, and Yun-baa said I could go in the garden while they're talking-" Nami rambles out, going silent when the boy's eyes shift into actual glaring. Pressing her lips together, Nami stares at the boy uncertainly before continuing, slowing down and speaking more clearly. "This is a nice garden, and a good place to nap. Sorry if I bothered you by napping here."</p><p>The boy stares at her for awhile before making a <em>hn</em> sound before turning away. Nami looks around in his wake, and finds that she can't actually see any of the paths from here anymore, and feels a little fear.</p><p>"Ah, wait!" She calls out, jolting into a stand and extending a hand in the boy's direction, but he doesn't hesitate at all, doesn't look over or pause even slightly. "Please, wait?" He does not, and she drops her hands down by her sides, feeling resigned as she turns in place, looking around and trying to see anything familiar to indicate where she's supposed to go to head back to the path. A glance directly up reveals that she can't even see the sky from here, and her lip trembles a little before she firms up her emotions and begins to circle the clearing.</p><p>It's no use, all of the paths have somehow disappeared from where they'd been before she'd fallen asleep.</p><p>Feeling a little panicked the longer she's lost in the garden, Nami sniffles a little and her lip wobbles even more, pressing them together and widening her eyes to stop the tears from forming like they want to.</p><p>Eventually there's a sound she can't identify the source of, and Nami freezes in place before the boy from before comes into view, walking out of what looks like nowhere, staring at her with a hard expression on his face before his expression sours even further than she'd expected was possible and he huffs, reaching out to grab ahold of one of her wrists.</p><p>Nami flinches away from that hand, and he pauses in place, staring at her with eyes that seem a little more considering than cold before he retracts his hand, turning in place instead.</p><p>"Follow me, little animal." Nami almost trips over herself as she hurries to follow behind him, unspeakably grateful for the help and for the fact that he hadn't grabbed her after she'd avoided that initial reach. That happened in school sometimes and it was always very upsetting.</p><p>That hadn't helped her reputation with the other kids in her class, or the teachers, but she couldn't help it (they've started to call her <em>useless </em>and she <em>hates it.)</em></p><p>She feels dumb- that girl she'd been once wouldn't have gotten so upset over something like that, and isn't <em>she </em>that girl? Kind of?</p><p>Reaching a hand up to scrub her palms against her cheeks, Nami forces back the tears threatening to fall and determinedly following the black haired boy. She's not going to get lost- he came back for her. She has the feeling that he won't do so again, so she's not going to lag behind.</p>
<hr/><p>Nami hadn't expected to be taken to a bedroom. She also hadn't expected the boy to be so… strange.</p><p>They'd gotten to the room, which was obviously his bedroom after a few minutes, and he'd wandered over to a corner <em>filled with stuffed animals. </em>He'd then grabbed one- a yellow bird plush bigger than her head, and waddled over beneath its size and weight to push the stuffed animal into her. She'd grabbed a hold of it on instinct and overbalanced, landing stomach first on top of the plush before rolling off of it to the side, landing back first onto the floor next to the plush.</p><p>The boy had stared at her for a moment before his face had twitched in a way that Nami could imagine was meant to be a smirk before he'd turned away back towards the stuffed animal corner, and then didn't return into her sightline. Nami blinks at the ceiling in confusion before craning her head around to look and see the boy.</p><p>She almost wants to laugh, but something tells her that she would regret doing so.</p><p>The boy is sprawled over all of the stuffed animals in the corner as though it's a throne or maybe a lumpy futon, looking like he's sleeping <em>again.</em></p><p>She's so confused about what's going on here, but as she reaches out to grab the plush next to her and drag it over her torso, wrapping her arms around it, the weight comfortingly present, she decides that there isn't really any harm in staying here.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>please keep in mind that tsunami, kyouya and takeshi are all kids, despite their maturity at times.</p><p>also yes kaede was freaking out about how cute nami is. no i wont take criticism.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Disclaimers: This chapter has! Violence, bullying,  detailed depictions of depression and dissociation and two (2) swear words by my count. Both of them are at the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It isn't that long before Nami sees Hibari again in the grand scheme of things, after that first meeting.</p><p>Nami knows that whatever talk her mama had with Yun-ba had shaken her badly. Not that Nami had asked, because she'd promised to leave that sort of thing alone until she was older or her mama thought she was ready to be told. They spend a month sleeping in the same room, Nami sometimes slipping into her mama's futon with her to try and offer comfort when the woman begins to look particularly haggard or sad.</p><p>It always made her go all quiet and shiny-eyed, with a soft and trembling smile, but it also makes her noticeably happier for awhile after, so it's worth the skin-heaving feeling that it gives her.</p><p>Nami loves her mama, so a little discomfort sometimes isn't all that bad.</p><p>Anyways, she meets Hibari again at school. He's a year above her, and listening to other kids and teachers talking reveals to her that he's only recently transferred into the elementary school. Part of her wants to go and see for herself, to try and see if maybe he came to school for her, but the girl in her memories is scolded for being full-of-herself and rude, so Nami just hunches in her seat a little and doesn't move.</p><p>She doesn't have to. He finds her during lunch.</p><p>"Small animal," he says from the doorway, more a statement than greeting, and she can't quite help the way she perks up. She doesn't know him very well, but she gets attached to people and things quickly.</p><p>
  <em>(She remembers being told to "loosen your grip.")</em>
</p><p>"Hibari-san," she greets hesitantly, sitting up a little straighter in her seat. The entire room is dead silent despite that there are at least half of the other kids in the class currently in the room. Apparently, his reputation precedes him, not that she knows why, being so socially out of the loop.</p><p>In one corner of the room, she can feel Takeshi's eyes on them both. She doesn't know how to feel about that- about him watching her.</p><p>"Come with me," his voice isn't questioning, isn't requesting, but from what she remembers about him, what she knows about him, if she were to say no, he wouldn't <em>make</em> her. He certainly wouldn't <em>stay</em>, and he'd probably not search her out again, but he wouldn't make her. There's a little comfort in that, and she gets up to follow him without a refusal.</p><p>They walk through the halls, in a familiar manner, her a foot or so behind, trying to keep up. It's a while before she notices that they're on the stairs, going up and up and up to the roof.</p><p>"We-we're not supposed to-" Nami points out upon spotting a "Do Not Enter" sign on one of the walls, but Hibari makes a hum sound to interrupt her, so she assumes he knows. She doesn't want to get in trouble, but… If Hibari's there, that might be okay. She doesn't know <em>why</em> it'd be okay, but it would be. The roof comes into sight quickly enough, and the roof itself when they get out is not much to look at.</p><p>It's blank stone and gray-colored gravel, with small walls near the sides that don't even come up to her knees and the occasional patchy fence, poorly maintained and rattling a little with the wind. There's metal boxes near one side that might be air conditioners, but nothing else really on the roof other than those and the small box leading to the stairwell behind them.</p><p>She isn't sure why they came to the roof.</p><p>"H-Hibari-san?" She eventually questions, hesitant but confused, and he hums again, looking around with a stern expression on his face before he turns towards her.</p><p>"You can eat lunch here," he tells her, and she runs that through her head before widening her eyes.</p><p>"With- with you? Right?" There's another hum, this one sounding more agreeing before he looks away from her to survey the roof once more, walking towards the side. Nami stands uncertainly in place before turning towards the stairs. "I'll go get my lunch," she calls behind her and then hurries away, slowing down once on the actual stairs. She doesn't want to fall somewhere her mama won't be there to catch her, and stairs are always a risk no matter her speed. She has to be careful</p><p>She almost gets lost on her way to the classroom, but she makes it, and slips into the room as stealthily as she can. She hasn't been bullied, exactly, and she isn't <em>afraid</em>, of course not, but she doesn't want to get held up. Doesn't want to risk anything happening.</p><p>She comes and goes quickly before anyone notices her, and makes her way quickly back to the roof. She finds Hibari reclining on the ground with his eyes closed, seemingly napping. Nami hesitates for a moment, not wanting to disturb him, before he makes a sound in his throat conveying irritation and impatience. She walks over and stops around two feet away, kneeling down on the ground and setting her bento on the ground in front of her and opening it up before hesitating again.</p><p>"H-Hibari-san? Do- do you have a bento?" A dismissive silence. "If you want you can have some of mine… I- I only have one pair of chopsticks, though…" A silvery eye cracks open and looks over at her with something she can't exactly identify, and she twitches a little. Then he sits up and she leans back a little to be clear of him as he uses his arm to hold himself up and peers into her bento.</p><p>Nimble fingers pick up her chopsticks and use them to pick up a piece of the chicken on top of her rice, and he bites into it, teeth a great distance from the laquered wood and more neatly than she's seen anyone use chopsticks other than her mama. He then plucks up a few of the veggies and one more piece of the chicken, dropping them onto one of the napkins attached to the top of her bento before cleaning them off on said napkin and setting them back down with a hum.</p><p>She can't help but feel relieved that he hadn't taken any of the rice- it's her favorite part of her bentos, and she has a lot of it because he mama knows that. She offers the black haired boy a smile, using her chopsticks to scoop some rice up.</p><p>Lunch is… nicer than she expected it to be.</p><hr/><p>"<em>Dame</em>-Tsuna, you know that Hibari guy?" One of her classmates asks in a curious voice as she sits at her desk, waiting for the teacher to come. Something in her stomach and chest flinches at the name, but outwardly she doesn't move so much as an eyebrow.</p><p>
  <em>(If they see any sign that you care, they will never stop.)</em>
</p><p>She doesn't respond to their words in any way, set on ignoring them. They continue to ask her things, jostling her when she ignores them, but she continues to do so, and eventually the teacher comes into the room. He looks a little paler than she remembers him being, and as he stands at the front of the room, he gestures for her to get up and come closer.</p><p>"Sawada," he calls when she at first doesn't respond. "Get your things and move up here. You'll sit here from now on." He's pointing to a desk at the very front of the room and in the center, right in front of his podium and the board, in front of every single student</p><p>She doesn't want to move. Being in the back corner and surrounded is better than having everybody at her back at all times and still surrounded.</p><p>"D- <em>Sawada</em>," The teacher's voice is sharp and commanding now, a little of his color returning to him, and she flinches down in her seat before starting to sluggishly collect her things. The students around her taunt her about her speed, and she can't help the pursing of her lips and the slight narrowing of her eyes. Luckily, it doesn't seem like anyone notices, and with her slow steps towards her seat, she doesn't even stumble.</p><p>She doesn't know why she's being moved, but she already hates it, and she hasn't even made it to her new seat yet. Something in her stomach blooms searing hot, swelling and swelling, and she doesn't bother trying to stop it, because it disappears into nothing in seconds before truly reaching her. It's been that way with every powerful emotion for years how.</p><p>But she's gotten used to it. At least she's not sitting and staring or laying down and staring and doing nothing, anymore. That's an improvement, maybe. Not that she still doesn't have bad days, but-</p><p>The day passes slowly from then on, but when someone tries to take advantage of her back being turned on the class, the teacher stops them with a quick reprimand. It's never worded as "stop bothering Nami" but more "stop bothering <em>me</em>", but she's willing to take what she can, there. Class ends, and she doesn't take the time to hesitate, slipping out from her desk by going boneless and collapsing to the ground, crawling out from under the top and then leaving. Her bag almost trips her up when she grabs it, and she stumbles a few times, but she doesn't fall. She hears her classmates calling after her, nauseating shouts of <em>Dame-Tsuna</em> filling the air behind her, but ignores them.</p><p>She needs to <em>get out.</em></p><p>She <em>does</em> trip on the stairs, but it's near the bottom so she doesn't fall too far, legs tangling together just before the last step and sending her sprawling onto her front. Her arms move fast enough to put her bag between her face and the floor, but her face still hits hard enough to sink her teeth into her cheeks and lip. When she gets to her feet, licking along her upper lip reflexively, she can taste the wet pennies of blood, meaning she likely has a bloody nose or lip. Distantly, she can hear the sounds of students moving around her, teachers giving their final say, but she's frozen.</p><p>"Little animal," a familiar voice speaks up nearby and her eyes flick over toward the source, finding Hibari standing near the row of shoe lockers containing her own locker. She blinks at him a little dumbly before twitching her numb face into what she hopes might be a smile, feeling completely detached from her own body.</p><p>His eyebrows pinch, something in her chest screams like a wounded, cornered thing, and she takes a stuttering step in his direction. The next steps aren't so hard, but she can't feel her legs through the tingling. The feeling takes a long time to go away.</p><hr/><p>Nami's eyes burn with the suggestion of tears she's resolutely ignoring, her back and shoulders smarting from where she's slammed into the wall to escape the grasping hands of one of her classmates, her school bag dropping carelessly to the ground from suddenly nerveless fingers. The hand gripping her shoulder had been tight but in her panic she'd caused their nails to dig in and scratch her before she hit the wall.</p><p>Her classmates- three of them, all taller than her and two of them boys- stare at her in confused offense, and she stubbornly keeps her eyes open, refusing to blink.</p><p>"Hey, <em>Dame</em>-Tsuna, what's with you and our senpai?" One of them asks as she's cornered in on all sides. Nami can feel her heartbeat rising and her fingertips freezing. She wants to clench her hands into fists or tuck them into her sleeves but she keeps as still as possible. Doesn't want to risk provoking them.</p><p>"Can she even <em>talk?"</em> The lone girl asks snippily, "she <em>never</em> says anything. Even to <em>sensei</em>." It feels like her tongue swells up in her mouth, the distance between her and this moment increasing. She couldn't say anything even if she wanted to, that much she knows.</p><p>"Hey!" The final boy's voice is sharp and loud, causing Nami to flinch hard enough that her head snaps into the wall. Her eyes close reflexively in response, the gathered liquid in one of her eyes falling. The girl makes a dismissive noise.</p><p>"She's <em>crying?</em> We didn't even <em>do</em> anything."</p><p>"Herbivores," the familiar flat tone is as much a comfort as a surprise, and Nami opens her eyes to look at where Hibari stands at the end of the hall near the stairs from where he had apparently come up to get her. Her classmates spin around.</p><p>"Ah, senpai-"</p><p>"Cease and desist, before I bite you to death," he intones, stalking closer. Nami blinks in confusion at the threat- it's the first time she's ever heard anyone threaten to bite someone until they die. The kids flinch and tremble, staring at him as he walks steadily closer, before the girl decides she doesn't like her chances against their upper senpai and bolts, the other two not far behind. Hibari continues forward toward her without even glancing after their retreat, and her heart slows it's quickening rhythm, her breath starting to come easier as she stares at the hollow of his neck rather than his face.</p><p>He knocks something against the top of her head and she jerks a little, looking up as she's poured back into wakefulness. Her umbrella rests on her head, and when she lays eyes on it, Hibari's hand releases it, letting it fall into her grip as she scrambles to catch it. Nami's face creases in confusion.</p><p>"Hibari?</p><p>"It's raining," he says without any real context. She feels her eyes tighten and turns to look out one of the windows of the hallway and finds that it is raining, a light drizzle, despite that today was supposed to be a mostly-nice day.</p><p>"Why… Why did you have my umbrella?" She asks next, because she would have passed the umbrella racks on their way out of the school, he didn't need to specifically bring hers to her. He makes a sound that she's unable to translate with her limited ability, and when she glances toward his face properly, she can find no emotion there. Not that she had really expected to. "... Thank you, Hibari-san," she eventually says, looking away again, this time down at his hands.</p><p>There's nothing in them, and they're held loosely at his side. So he didn't grab any of his things before he left to get her umbrella from the front of the school. Her own fingers twitch and tighten around her umbrella before she leans down to collect her bag back up in one hand, hiking it high toward her shoulder as she tightens her fingers around the grips of both.</p><p>He turns then, and she follows easily behind, falling back some due to the difference in their leg length but never too far away because of how Hibari times his steps and measures his speed. Something in her heart clenches and twists before vanishing with a sensation like inhaling ice, and she blinks dry eyes at his back, feeling like she's missing something.</p><hr/><p>Two years later, nine year old Sawada Tsunami wakes up with something sickening wrapping vice-like fingers around her insides. Her entire body feels like it's out of tune, cold and blurred from focus, and she can tell today will be another Bad Day. Or at least something like one. It feels like her stomach has dropped out, like she's forgotten herself at the top of a steep drop.</p><p>She feels out-of-sync with the world. Part of it, but somehow separated.</p><p>She blinks slowly at the wall next to her futon and tries to move. It takes her a long time to roll onto her back to stare at the ceiling. Everything blanks after that- she doesn't know the next step, can't bring herself to care about it.</p><p>When's the last time she blinked? She does it, just in case it's been longer than she expects, and her eyes ache so she keeps then closed. It doesn't really help. She can hear her mama somewhere else in the house, metal on ceramic, a light tune sung just so. She wonders what she's doing, if she's making breakfast or if it's already lunch time.</p><p>Nami isn't hungry. She doesn't know why she's thinking about food, so she stops. Thinks about nothing.</p><p>"Nami-chan? <em>Musume</em>?" Mama is at the door of her room, tapping the wood with concern. She doesn't come in because she respects Nami's personal space areas, but she knows she's allowed to come in if she thinks something is wrong.</p><p>Nami thinks about answering, but she doesn't remember how to talk. It involves words and the throat and the mouth, but she isn't sure she can do it. She thinks about answering anyway. She stays still.</p><p>"... Nami?" Mama asks again and Nami opens her aching eyes again to slide them towards her door. She wants to close them again, but she doesn't. The door opens, and she can see her mama standing on the other side, face creased with worry. "Nami-cha-" she stops, eyes on Nami where she still lays on her futon, before starting once more, hesitant now. More thoughtful and cautious. "-is today a <em>Bad Day?"</em></p><p>There's no particular inflection on the final two words that Nami is able to hear, but she assigns the words significance anyway. She thinks about maybe nodding, since she can't talk, but can't tell if she manages it.</p><p>"I'll call the school, <em>musume</em>, you just feel better," Mama gives her a smile, soft and worried, before closing the door and presumably leaving. Something hot and tight swells in Nami's chest, infected and bloating, and the sensation grows and grows until it vanishes, unresolved and unexpressed and dispersing like a slowly spreading toxin.</p><p>Sometimes, Nami thinks, it would be easier if she hated her mama, or if her mama was a bad mother. The girl she once was didn't know how to handle good things or care when she received it, as rare as it was, and Nami is more like that girl than she once was. She's still <em>Nami</em>, but… she's not <em>only</em> Nami, anymore.</p><p>Something burns, bitingly cold, against the inside of her sternum and Nami's thoughts fall still and silent. She remembers to blink, inhaling and exhaling when she remembers how to flex her torso, but otherwise she drifts into a state almost like nonexistence. It's like time fades away, none of it matters, and she's alone in a bubble, untouched by anything.</p><p>Her nose twitches, she inhales sharply, and she moves before she can decide to do so, one hand reaching up to pinch her nose as she sneezes, eyes squeezing closed, ears popping and lungs seizing. It's like her entire body is suddenly revitalized, sensation flooding in, energy jolting through every nerve. She breathes in, her lungs feeling overfull, her head spinning.</p><p>Had she been holding her breath?</p><p>Rolling onto her side and then onto her stomach, arms coming up beneath her chest to brace her body, Nami sets her eyes to half mast and tries to breathe gently. The ice in her chest feels thicker and heavier than it usually does, her limbs still tingling with cold like bad circulation, as though her body is trying to get used to having her inside of it again.</p><p>Her knees drag up to press against her stomach, and her back bows. She breathes and feels like she still doesn't exist, but pushes through it, pressing herself up into a sitting position. She then pushes herself into a standing position, and while her insides feel like she's swaying in place, her eyes stay stationary like she has a firm stance. Walking towards her door reveals that she doesn't have any feeling in her legs again, despite that she can walk and move without any perceivable difficulty. When she gets to it, she can't bring herself to reach out to the door, staring blankly at it for a time that she can't gauge, feeling like she's listing to either side constantly even if her eyes continue to show a still line of sight.</p><p>The door eventually opens on its own and she takes a few seconds to look up and meet her mama's eyes, soft with worry, devoid of anything truly negative. Nana's eyes widen slightly in surprise, and it feels like something in Nami's chest tries to reach out between her and her body, but her fingertips tingle instead of anything else. Her eyes flick away to look at the wall of the hallway behind and to the side of her mama's head, standing still.</p><p>Nana thinks about saying something, but decides otherwise, offering only a small smile of comfort and turning to go back down the hallway toward the stairs without much sound beyond a quiet hum. Trailing silently behind her mom, Nami's brain sluggishly trying to understand like it always does, dragging metaphorical feet through thick, muddy-slush.</p><p>She makes it all the way into the kitchen before she realizes someone else is in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a cup of tea in one of the most relaxed tea-drinking positions she's ever seen him in, barring when they drink from the thermos she brings to school with her bento. He still manages to make it look refined, though.</p><p>Hibari doesn't say anything or even look over at her, simply continuing to drink his tea as she stands limb-locked behind his right shoulder. It smells like some kind of sencha. Nami slips her fingers against the bottom hem of her large t-shirt to rub the old, soft cotton and feels like she's swaying gently in place before she moves, one shudder step before folding down to the ground on jelly legs.</p><p>She drops into something close to seiza at the table next to him, about a foot away on her normal cushion, moved from its standard place, curling her torso over her legs and dropping her forehead against it's smooth wood. The bridge of her nose presses against the edge of the table and her breath is hot and damp against her knees. Nobody says anything, and Hibari sips near silently at his tea again. From the sound of it as her mama walks closer and then drops a few things down, she's served a small plate and bowl, a cup near it. She inhales and smells rice, soy sauce and egg. She lifts her head somewhat to blink tiredly at the <em>tamago kake gohan(*),</em> she shifts her jaw to suppress a yawn as her eyes prickle with heat and the threat of the associated tears. Next to the main dish is a small dish of soy sauce, and a cup softly fizzling with Fanta.</p><p>Fingers twitch, attached to hands that she had dropped lifelessly down to the ground next to her legs. Slowly levering herself upright, Nami shuffles her knees to inch closer to the table and straightens her back, reaching for the chopsticks resting on the table on their hashioki.</p><p>"Itadakimasu," she murmurs quietly but sincerely before adjusting her grip on the lacquered wood and picking up some of the rice and egg. As she eats, she listens to the quiet bustle of the kitchen and Nana's curious tone.</p><p>"Are you sure you're not hungry, Kyouya-kun?"</p><p>"Hm," Hibari sets his drink down completely before he says anything further. "I am sure. I ate at home."</p><p>"Alright," she hums before returning to what she'd been doing. Nami steadily chews her way through her food even as it gets cold and congealed, and Hibari eventually runs out of tea but doesn't move from his seat, folding his hands on the table and looking thoughtful when she glances at him curiously. Her mama makes her own meal, significantly more than the one she'd given Nami through her own preference. She eats and occasionally sets her pale chopsticks aside to ask Hibari about his parents, the state of their house and the going-ons in town generally. It feels like there's context she's missing, feels like Nami is only hearing half of the conversation, but that feeling isn't abnormal. Sometimes she just… <em>gets</em> less than she usually does, which even then isn't always much.</p><p>She doesn't ask. Half-listens quietly and pretends the food she's forcing down her throat isn't nauseating. She sips some of the orange soda as a palate cleanser and it helps a little. Eventually, she finishes her food (long after Nana had finished her own) and Hibari continues to sit at the table while her Mama gets up, offering Nami a smile of reassurance before leaving the room with a quiet murmur that she doesn't quite hear enough to understand.</p><p>She wants to get up. She wants to <em>get up.</em> She doesn't know what she would <em>do</em> but she <em>wants to get up.</em> Do something. Hibari must be bored or uncomfortable- he surely has better things to do than waste time sitting at the Sawada table doing nothing, staring into her dirty dishes and her blood flowing like slow moving mud through her veins.</p><p>There's a quiet buzzing, lasting only a second, and Nami listens as Hibari shifts, pulling something out of his pocket that she can see out of the corner of her eye as a phone. The screen lights up and she couldn't read it even if she wanted to, the angle bad and her fuzzy brain unable to focus on any potential kanji she, by some luck, might make out. Hibari makes a flat hum, the kind of hum she usually associates with being bonked on the head, and her head sinks down into her neck a little before Hibari taps out something on his phone and then tucks it back away.</p><p>"Little animal," he says as he twists his legs slightly, rising smoothly from the table to stand and taking a single step back before stopping, not turning away to leave. "You can come with me, if you like. I'm going to discipline some herbivores."</p><p><em>Discipline. Herbivores.</em> Words she associates with Hibari going feral on "those disturbing the peace of Namimori," the criteria thereof sometimes ambiguous. Nami wants to- she wants to but all she can do is move her head and twitch an arm up, the limb too leaden to move any further. Hibari notices, though, like he always does, sinking down onto his heels and outreaching a hand toward her nearest elbow. He doesn't touch her until her head and arm jerk again, and then he wraps one hand around her arm just above the elbow, the other hand gripping her hand itself as he lifts the limb and then pulls her upright, giving her time to get used to standing on her legs before he turns to leave.</p><p>She dithers for a second, wanting to follow but aware of the dishes behind her. She hates leaving the dishes for Mama to do- usually she washes them after she uses them to save Nana some of the work. This time, Nana sweeps into the room out of nowhere from the adjacent door, waving her on with a,<em> "stay safe, I love you musume, see you later!"</em> and collecting the dishes up from the low table with swift ease.</p><p>Nami offers her mother the best facsimile of a smile that she can produce before she follows after Hibari, who is lingering in the door but starting to look impatient now. She feels tingles pricking up her fingertips and over her toes and she lifts her feet a little more. Hibari's eyes flick to her feet at they stop dragging and then he slips his shoes back on, Nami moments behind him before they're both out the door, Nami calling a very low and hesitant,</p><p>"See you later," to the house behind her. She hears her mama say something but she isn't able to listen, focusing instead on not falling and following Hibari as he picks up his pace to create some distance, though not outstripping her completely like she knows he could. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and by the tilt of his head as he reads the screen, his steps unhesitating, she can see one of his eyebrows twitch in what might be anger.</p><p>She doesn't try to speed up, knowing that to do so would be to trip and waste even more time, instead taking her time to watch where Hibari is going. Once upon a time she might have been able to predict his course- she has vague memories of being able to do something like that as easily as breathing, though the memory of <em>how</em> doesn't register correctly. Deep in her chest, something aches, a feeling of loss sending up phantom stars over the backs of her eyelids when she blinks, but she can't do anything about it so she ignores it.</p><p>Hibari's shoulders move a little, his head twitching in a way that puts her in his peripherals for an instant before he continues forward as though he hadn't done anything. He turns left, likely catching her in his peripherals again by doing so, and she catches up soon enough, rounding the corner to see Hibari's shoulders begin to sink down, his strides sliding into that by-now-familiar gait that tickles at her hindbrain. They must be getting closer to the disturbance then, if Hibari is priming to leap and strike with the tonfa that he hasn't yet drawn from the inside of his school gakuran.</p><p>He takes a sharp turn left again, down an alley past a tall boy in a junior high uniform she doesn't recognize, his black hair slicked back and blood trickling down his temple and eyebrow.</p><p><em>"Stay here,"</em> Hibari calls back as he lunges into the fray she can see as she approaches, what looks like several older boys standing over another boy of the same age in the same uniform. Maybe high schoolers. Nami slows down to a stop a few feet away- close enough for Hibari to see her if he actually looks, but nowhere near arms reach of this stranger who knows Hibari.</p><p>She watches the fight for a little bit before turning away, not really interested in watching Hibari destroying people at least twice his size after having seen it dozens of times already and not really able to bring herself to care about them one way or the other right now. She has faith that everything will go just the same as it has always gone, ending with Hibari prevailing one way or the other. Something pulls at her attention, and she looks around, eyes skittering over the people watching the events unfolding in shocked horror and those walking past with barely a second glance.</p><p>Lots of people are used to Hibari. Plenty of people aren't, though.</p><p>Another side alley catches her attention, and she stares at it's shady depths with blank eyes before looking back toward Hibari and then toward the boy at the mouth of the alley. She can't tell if he has any weapons on him, though she won't know for sure if she doesn't ask, but he looks like he could fight someone. Maybe.</p><p>If she gets in a fight and Hibari is still distracted she can run away back here. Even if he doesn't know her and isn't obligated to help her, the fight would spill over onto him anyway, which would prompt him to fight anyway. She doesn't expect to get into a fight, exactly, but it's better to be safe than sorry, usually. She looks back between the alleys a few more times, and the boy notices her looks and makes to speak up but before he can she turns and begins to make her way across the street, the insistent tugging in her chest increasing in fervor until it almost feels like her sternum shakes with the vibration.</p><p>When she exhales, she expects to see a cloud of mist from the cold, but there's nothing. She ghosts through the onlookers as they flinch away from her like she's a disease, but she doesn't pay them any attention, getting through them quickly enough and then making her way inside the alley. Between the bricks it's like sound becomes muffled, the shadows cooling the air around her so much further that she pulls her arms close to herself, cupping her hands and curling her fingers in front of her mouth to blow on them.</p><p>She can hear something happening in the distance and continues to make her way down the alley, making sure to pick her feet up as a bare necessity prevention against tripping. Coming across a fork in the road leads to her impulsively going right, her feet moving her forward without any conscious thought on her part, taking the next immediate left and then another right as the sounds get closer and become more identifiable as several people talking.</p><p>By the time she realizes she's too far to really run back to Hibari or the junior high boy, it's too late and she couldn't turn back even if she wanted to.</p><p>Eventually she finds herself at the mouth of the alleyways, staring at a small courtyard area between several buildings. Clotheslines are strung up between a few of the buildings and there are even a few vending machines placed in one of the corners as well as a small picnic table. One of the vending machines is empty, it's casing shattered into pieces, though the other seems like it's in fine condition, if a little dinged up.</p><p>A girl about her age sits at the picnic table, still dressed in her school uniform. Her feet rest on the bench, and Nami can see her scraped knees from here, the way the blood beads down the side of one of her calves. She's being very quiet, sniffling but not crying, though that looks like a near thing, her arms wrapped around her bag that she has tucked close to her torso.</p><p>In the middle of the courtyard there are several boys- all probably around Junior High age, much older than her, and bigger too. Maybe around 15 or 16.</p><p><em>"- said you're going to go and get the little brat, so where is he?!"</em> One boy snaps at another, two more watching on the sidelines. The final boy isn't even watching them, instead watching the alleys on the opposite end of the courtyard to her, possibly watching for whoever he's waiting for.</p><p>"Like hell I said that!" The other boy shouts. "I told him to meet us here-"</p><p>"And if he gets lost?!"</p><p>"Kyoko!" A loud yell bounces off the bricks from somewhere nearby. The girl on the picnic table looks up, and Nami wishes she could read the emotions in her face and eyes but she can't.</p><p>"Well he <em>didn't</em>, did he?" The second hisses back acidically before turning and stomping toward the little girl who flinches back instantly, hunching down and trying to make herself better. "Better call for your big brother, <em>chibi</em>. Don't you want him to come and save you?"</p><p>"I-" The girl might say something more but the boy yells again from somewhere in the alleys once more before barreling out into the open, throwing himself across the cracked asphalt at high speed and making a beeline right for her. By the time he slows down enough to see clearly, he's already shoulder slammed the junior high boy away from her.</p><p>He's wearing the same uniform Hibari usually does, minus the gakuran, pants rolled up to his knees and sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He's just a little bit tan, with startlingly white hair and a wide mouth. He turns away from where Nami can see quickly though so she can't see his face anymore.</p><p>"Kyoko, what happened?" He asks, voice loud, though lacking the vehemence usually associated with yelling specifically. His hands land on her legs near her calves, rolling one sleeve down to wipe up the blood dripping down without any hesitation. "Did these guys hurt you?"</p><p>Nami can't hear if the girl answers, and then the boy is turning and slugging the nearest junior high student with enough strength that the boy topples backwards onto his backside, landing roughly and flattening down before falling still.</p><p><em>"Bastards!"</em> The boy definitely yells this time, angry, and lunges for the next nearest boy. Nami creeps out of the mouth of the alley as the boy goes to town with savagery she's never seen outside of Hibari and slides around the edges of the alley until she winds up next to the picnic table, watching the girl watch the boy and hyperventilate, completely frozen in place. Staring, Nami decides the girl is probably in shock and begins digging through the pockets of her shorts until she comes up with what she wants.</p><p>She always carries bandaids. They're in all of her pockets, sometimes even ending up getting run through the washer and dryer with her clothes. She doesn't have anything else other than a few yen, but as she checks the bandaid over she can see that it's a good one, the wrapper still intact.</p><p>She pokes the girl lightly on the shoulder, feeling a tingle zing up her arm from the contact and withdrawing quickly. The girl flinches with a shriek, and Nami flinches as well, almost tripping over her own feet. The boy lets out a loud, feral noise and when Nami glances over he slams one boy headfirst into another with the momentum of a punch to the diaphragm. She looks back at the girl to find she's being stared at, and she hesitates before holding out a hand palm up to show the bandaid in her grasp.</p><p>"I- For me?" She asks, sniffling again and wiping at her teary eyes. Nami nods and looks pointedly at her knees. "Th-thank you. How long ago did you get here?" It seems like Nami may have shocked her out of her tears, but she doesn't count on her luck holding.</p><p>Nami shrugs, not bothering to try and answer because she knows she won't be able to, instead stepping forward and around the girl until she's in front of her and starting to open the first band-aid. It puts her back to the fight, but the white haired boy seemed like he had it handled. At least long enough for Nami to put bandaids on the girl's knees to help her calm down and maybe convince her to leave the area until the fighting stops.</p><p>"I'm- I'm Kyoko," the girl introduces wetly, looking between Nami and the fight happening behind her with large eyes. Nami nods and makes a humming noise under her breath, subconsciously synching with the tone of the vibration ringing in the back of her head. "Your hands are c-cold."</p><p>Nami finishes with the bandaids and reaches out to grab Kyoko's hands, ignoring the icky feeling it provokes, and tugs on them, stepping aside, trying to silently urge the girl to get up and move with her.</p><p>She doesn't really get the chance to do much more than that, because Kyoko looks behind her with a shriek and the boy makes a choked sound like an animal that's been kicked in the chest and about to die.</p><p>Nami spins in place like she's underwater. The world fades out around the edges.</p><p>One of the boys- the quiet, watchful one from before. He has a knife. Blood drips down the side of the younger boy's face from a gash near his eyebrow, and the junior high student lunges like he's going to <em>kill-</em></p><p>She isn't sure how she does it. Or why she does it. Something in her goes blank and silent, she settles against her bones and inside her muscles like she belongs and she moves. One moment she's next to Kyoko and the next she's grabbing that boy's arm in her grasp and levering her weight against it, digging into the flesh with her nails. He starts to go down, overbalancing and she continues to press, keeping a hold of his arm as he hits the ground, wrenching it up around his back with a sickening pop and jerk. The knife flies out of his spasming grip, and she plants both feet on his back, one between his shoulder blades and one above his tailbone, keeping the arm in a grip tighter than she knew she could manage with such small fingers.</p><p>The entire courtyard pauses to stare. Only one other boy is still on his feet, but he looks worse for wear. White haired boy has blood starting to soak into his shirt, but somehow he seems to be the one in better condition. Nami stares at the both and twists the arm in her grip a little bit, yanking it upwards and causing the boy it's attached to to release a high pitched sound of pain.</p><p><em>"Fuck off,"</em> she tells the only conscious teenager present in English. He spooks like an electrocuted cat and actually does, turning tail and running away. She feels… <em>Strangely</em>. She can't remember ever feeling like this. So firmly herself that she doesn't actually feel like a person.</p><p>"Extreme." The boy says blankly before passing out on the ground like a sack of potatoes. Nami turns to Kyoko, who has both hands clasped over her mouth and tears running down her face, expression full of terrified confusion.</p><p>She shifts her feet and kicks the boy she's standing on in the head hard enough to knock him unconscious. Kyoko faints like she was the one Nami had kicked in the head.</p><p>Standing in the middle of the courtyard full of unconscious people, Nami kind of wishes she could pass out too. But she's still agonizingly present, a heated flush working its way up her neck and over her face. She looks down at her hands to see that they're shaking ever so slightly. She gets off the boy and then manhandles him until she takes off his jacket, shaking it out and then bunching it up to shove under the white haired boy's head, against his cut. He hisses in his sleep, but doesn't show signs of waking up, so she straightens and leaves.</p><p>She's going to go get Hibari. He should know what to do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>* Tamago Kake Gohan is raw egg over rice and according to various sites, it's a pretty common breakfast food? </p><p>This chapter might have read weird, but it was kind of supposed to. The explination is in the subtext so far and more in the next, and maybe needs some conspiracy theorist idea connecting to make sense. Sorry if it made it hard to read or uncomfortably ooc.</p><p>I'll tell you it has to do with flames, though.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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